Are You Willing?

Are you willing to be free?

Are you willing to stop the self-torture?

Are you willing to let yourself off the hook?

This is counter to our human animal conditioning, and yet it is exactly what is called for at this time.

Are you willing for something bigger, something unknown?

This is a message that has just been put out by the lovely teacher Gangaji. I think we are on the same page!!!

REALLY this is the ONLY question. WHAT is YOUR answer?


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Where did the Love Go? A look at how we quench our own Self-Love.

I am guessing that as you have been taught so well and so completely that there is room for self-improvement, you will find it hard to believe me when I say that you are perfect and totally loveable exactly as you are. You might even feel a little bit angry with me for making the statement and, of course, be able to find many reasons why I can’t be right.

Now isn’t that interesting in its self!

We have been taught so well that striving to improve is important, even the purpose of living, but in order to do this we are constantly looking for failure in our self. We have to do this in order to identify the places that need improving.

How can you possibly love something that is so faulty, so in need of improvement? Well the answer is that you can’t. If we are constantly finding fault with ourselves, we cannot fall in love and be in harmony with who we are.

Does this bring up real sadness in your heart? It does in mine.

Do you know what the first words were that you ever heard? Even if you didn’t understand them, you felt the energy and the implication that you were being compared to someone else, assessed, quantified, measured. What you heard may have gone like this:

“My first pregnancy was easier than this one”;

“Mary is sitting up before Johnny”;

“Jack is crawling before Sophie”; or

“Emma was out of nappies before Sean”.

This constant mantra of comparison instils in our minds the concept that everything only is what it is when it is compared to something else. It subtly gives the message that the only way to define, evaluate and assess oneself, is through comparison. Through these eyes nothing is valued for itself and it is hard, nigh impossible, to find something that is perfect.

This way of thinking can be switched round in a moment, in an instant, but it can also take some time. There is a lot to unravel and a 180° switch in perception to be embraced. And the process deserves, in fact necessitates, a great deal of self-love and compassion.

Seeing this pattern of constant comparison and assessment of ourselves is the first massive step forward to self-love. But this is a really tricky path. When you see something you criticise in yourself, don’t judge yourself for criticising! This is simply running around the same hamster wheel. Love yourself for having done this because you know you were doing your best and that deserves love.

Seeing the pattern is 80% of the journey and the rest is about watching and observing the programs, lovingly deleting and writing new scripts.


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Full Moon Meditation for 3/07/12 illustrating the practical use of the 72 Angel Names of the Tree of Life as shown in the last chapter of the book.

The clear night skies here in Egypt keep me very aware of the moon phases. Sirius is also high and bright. Tomorrow is the full moon and as the astrological information below shows the moon will bring its influence to bear on the dominant energy of the moment which are the square between Pluto and Uranus.

The energies of questioning the ‘ultimate realities of existence‘ and ‘the interplay of life and death processes‘, can bring feelings of uncertainty, disillusionment and doubt as we personally experience a dropping away of a sense of knowing what is true. It may also feel very difficult to get a sense of the future. On a very personal level all paradigms are breaking down. It is so easy to see the process on the vaster scale but when it is close to home and we realise that what we thought was true, we are not sure of anymore, and where our path was leading seems to drop away into a mist of uncertainty, a powerful invitation arises to simply rest in the now moment.

You may like to do this Full Moon Celebration.

Prepare your space.

Invoke the energies of the directions: –

Face East

 “Through the Archangel Raphael I call in the energy of the East: I invoke the element of air and honour the Devic Lord of Air Paralda.”
(The colour is yellow, so you could visualise the yellow light of dawn across a landscape of yellow hills, cornfields and blossoms. Hear the sound of wind and feel it on your skin.)

Turn 90° and face South

Through the Archangel Michael I call in the energy of the South: I invoke the element fire and honour the Devic Lord of Fire Djin.
(The colour is orange. You could visualise a distant volcano, burning forest grass. Feel the heat and smell the smoke.)

Turn 90° and face West

Through the Archangel Gabriel I call in the energy of the West: I invoke the element water and honour the Devic Lord of Water Nixa.”
(The colour is deep midnight purple. You could visualise the full moon shining on the vast ocean; falling rain from a passing cloud. Feel, hear and smell water.)

 Turn 90° to face North

Through the Archangel Uriel I call in the energies of the North: I invoke the element of earth and honour the Devic Lord of Earth Gobe.
(The colours are citrine, olive, russet and black. You could visualise rocks and mountains, Earth and fields, trees flowers on animals. Hear the sounds smell the smells.)

Stand/sit in the middle and be aware of the energy above and below you.
Become very aware of the breath naturally coming in and out of the body. Continue doing this for as long as you wish, allowing everything to drop away and finding yourself in the now moment.

Call these Angel names 3 times each, to invoke their gifts. (All information is in the book)

3. Sitael – (SIT-AH-EL). Through the principles that constructed the universe this Angel supports us in building anything that is based on truth and Love. It also helps us to recognise anything that is not built on truth.

9. Aziel – (AA-ze-EL). The Angel of forgiveness.  This Angel brings a spontaneous feeling of Love and forgiveness for oneself and others. Forgiveness is always the herald of new beginnings. It also helps us to keep promises and renew friendship with sincerity and faith.

24. Hahuiah – ((ha-HOO-ee-YAH). This is the Angel of protection through truth. How often do we wrongly accuse ourselves of failure in some way and forget the truth that we had done our best at the time? The Angel Hahuiah also allows the truth to come to the surface when someone has been wrongly accused. It is a powerful support in the freeing of dissidents and exiles.

25. Nith-Haiah – (NIT-ha-YAH). This is the Angel of spiritual wisdom and spiritual magic. It helps us to understand and appreciate the cycles of creation and its mysteries.

33. Yehuiah – (Yyay-HOO-see-YAH). This is the Angel of subordination to higher orders. If feelings of betrayal arise then the answer lies within ourselves and we need to ask in what way we had betrayed our own higher self’s or Soul’s guidance. This is the Angel that brings the energy of “Not My Will but Thy Will”.

40. Yeiazel – (YAY-ah-ZEL). This Angel brings healing balm when we are going through difficult times. It is the Angel of Divine consolation and comfort.

50. Daniel – (DA-nee-EL). This is the Angel of eloquence connecting our thoughts and words to the clarity and honesty of Divine intervention. Invoking this energy will support spiritual teachers and anyone wishing to communicate spiritual ideas.

58. Yeialel – (YAY-a-LEL). When we use the power of the mind to observe our responses to situations, we can become a Master of our emotions. This Angel supports the mental discipline in order to do this.

69. Rochel – (ro-SHEEL). If we have latent talents and abilities, some of which may have been learnt in a past life, this Angel supports in calling these forwards so that we can use them again. It also helps us to find anything that we think we may have lost.

Sit still and silently and breathe in to your centre and your heart the gifts of these Angels.

You might like to make the following affirmations or some of your own: –

I let go of the past

I surrender to a future unknown

I let go of anticipation and hope

I am one with the cosmic mind

I know all I need to know

I experience all that I need to experience

I let go of needing to understand the process

Sit for as long as you wish.

Close down the space by thanking the Angels and the directions. (Though anticlockwise round the directions starting with North.)


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Self-Love Is the Key

I think that there is an interesting parallel between our attitude to ourselves when we are experiencing disease and the overall level of self-love we experience and express. One is a barometer of the other. So,by becoming aware of our personal response to when we are not perfect, i.e. sick in some way, we can really start to understand and get in touch with our level of self-love.

To truly know self-love and compassion is the only goal and all paths lead here. Returning home; the knowing of the divine self; soul consciousness; the higher self; Nirvana; Ascension and so on are different ways of describing self-love. If the divine, God, the great Creator, whatever term we want to use, is ultimately love then understanding self-love is embracing and becoming one and becoming one with all of creation.

One of the things that we will be exploring in these blogs is the gifts of disease. All of creation is in balance, Yin and Yang, dark and light, negative and positive. Duality is only when we see these as separate energies and do not understand that the one depends totally on the other for its existence.

We are very well trained in seeing the negative side of disease but to truly heal, balance needs to be found by exploring the possibilities, and therefore exploring true nature of disease by searching out the gifts.

Our constant mantra when Kevin was suffering (and I use that word consciously) with the cancer was “What is the gift”.

So perhaps today we can list the first two gift of being unwell. It is the possibility to see clearly how we can love ourselves more and how we can find more balance.  This gift is not to be underestimated.

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