Where did the Love Go? A look at how we quench our own Self Love.

I am guessing that you have been taught so well and so completely that there is room for improvement that you will find it hard to believe me when I say that you are perfect and totally loveable exactly as you are. You might even feel a little bit angry with me for making the statement and of course be able to find many reasons why I can’t be right.

Now isn’t that interesting in its self!

We have been taught so well that striving to improve is important, even the purpose of living, but in order to do this we are constantly looking for failure in our self. We have to in order to identify the places that need improving.

How can you possibly love something that is so faulty, so in need of improvement? Well the answer is that you can’t. If we are constantly finding fault with ourselves we cannot fall in love and be in harmony with who we are.

Does this bring up real sadness in your heart? It does in mine.

Do you know that the first words that you ever heard, even if you didn’t understand them you felt the energy and the implication, were that you were being compared to someone else, assessed, quantified, measured. What you heard may have gone like this:

“My first pregnancy was easier than this one”; “Mary is sitting up before Johnny”; “Jack is crawling before Sophie” or “Emma was out of nappies before Sean”.

This constant mantra of comparison instills in our minds the concept that everything only is what it is when it is compared to something else. It subtly gives the message that the only way to define, evaluate and assess oneself, is through comparison. Through these eyes nothing is valued for itself and it is hard, nigh impossible to find something that is perfect.

This way of thinking can be switched round in a moment, in an instant, but it can also take some time. There is a lot of unravel and a 180° switch in perception to be embraced. And the process deserves, in fact necessitates, a great deal of self-love and compassion.

Seeing this pattern of constant comparison and assessment of ourselves is the first massive step forwards to self-love. But this is a really tricky path. When you see something you criticise in yourself; don’t judge yourself for critisising! This is simply running around the same hamster wheel. Love yourself for having done this because do you know, you were doing your best and that deserves love.

Seeing the pattern is 80% of the journey and the rest is about watching and observing the programs, lovingly deleting and writing new scripts.

 



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